dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
