she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
