Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
