i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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