I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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