Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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