He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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