How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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