Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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