I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
