I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
