Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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