uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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