Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
