I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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