If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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