Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
