Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm just crazy horny about you
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
