i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize