Who wears a wallet chain?!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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