If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
