Where is the hickey?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
