I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I cut my penus on the lid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
