Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
