Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
