Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
