why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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