Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
