It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
