I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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