I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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