I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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