Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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