for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
