So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
