Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
