This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
