he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
