Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
