It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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