I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize