so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
