My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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