I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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