She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
