Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
