Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
