Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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