I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
