You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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