So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
