So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
