Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
