What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
