Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
