whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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