So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
