I just threw up on my dentist
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
