so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
