At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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