just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
