Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
do herpes really smell.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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