I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
