Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
