Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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