ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
