just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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