The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
