you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize