I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
