dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
