My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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