Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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