I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
