I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's shark week go big or go home
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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