I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
