Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
