But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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