you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
