What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
