is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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