I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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