I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
