Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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