So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
