hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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