I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
