fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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