Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she smelled like a LAN party
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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