I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
