It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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