Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize