omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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