A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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