Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
