I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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