I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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