some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
