he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she peed on how many people?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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