Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
