either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
