I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
