Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
