Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
