if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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