very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
