Your tits are I can't wait for
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
