How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
