i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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